October 2011
2 posts
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Would it interest you to know...
…that in addition to inventing America Benjamin Franklin also invented disposable contact lenses and adultery?
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September 2011
2 posts
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Even more things invented by Thomas Mother Fucking...
Compact Fluorescent Candles
The Broadway Musical
Intellectual Property Theft
The Coin Operated Alarm Clock
Threesomes
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How is it that you never learned…
…that Marie Curie, in addition to being a pioneering nuclear scientist and the discoverer of radiation, was also a world class gourmet chef? Madam Curie is credited with the creation of Curie Powder, a zesty spice blend that includes such flavors as ginger, tumeric, garlic, and radium. This special blend served as inspiration for many famous dishes like Chicken Curie, Beef Tikka Masala, and...
June 2011
1 post
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Factuality!: How is it that you never learned… →
factuality:
…that 17th President, Andrew Johnson, was in fact a steam-powered automaton? Very few people know that before serving as Abraham Lincoln’s Vice President that Johnson was a virtual no body in the world of politics. That is because he did not exist, he was built by Lincoln (himself an assassin from…
April 2011
1 post
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March 2011
2 posts
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factuality:
Humorist and Personal Computer, John...
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This Day in History
March 15, 44 BCE
Julius Caesar is stabbed to death on the floor of the Roman Senate by Brutus and a number of other co-conspirators. The exact motivation is unknown, but many historians have pointed to possible connections to Caesar’s March Madness bracket, having picked Athens U over the University of North Umbria. Brutus, being a UNU fan since getting his undergrad there, took exception....
February 2011
6 posts
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They never taught you in school…
…that Ireland has been plagued with boa constrictors since 1974? As previously reported St. Patrick did not rid Ireland of snakes but of the 80’s metal band, Whitesnake. The Boa Constrictors were introduced as a prank by the Scottish, who thought it would be funny after an all night bender in Dublin. It is started of harmlessly enough, but after a rash of missing cats and the distinct lack of...
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This Day in History
February 22, 1997
It is announce that first sheep has been successfully cloned. The resulting clone, named Dolly, was given her own Broadway musical (but not the one you are thinking about).
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More goddamned inventions of Thomas Edison
The Postholer
The Electric Brest Implant
The Meso-American Head Penny
The Electric Wine Bottle
“Friends with Benefits”
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This Day in (Star Trek reference) History
February 21, 1972
Richard Nixon visits China as the first American President to do so. The talks were mediated over moo goo gai pan with the help of the Vulcan delegation. Proving once again the old Vulcan proverb, “Only Nixon would order Moo Goo Gai Pan in China”.
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How is it that you never learned…
…that 17th President, Andrew Johnson, was in fact a steam-powered automaton? Very few people know that before serving as Abraham Lincoln’s Vice President that Johnson was a virtual no body in the world of politics. That is because he did not exist, he was built by Lincoln (himself an assassin from the future) out of parts from a wood burning stove, a stage-coach axel, and cloned human flesh....
December 2010
2 posts
10 tags
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Factuality! is Returning!
Hello followers and fellow history buffs!
I am sure you noticed that Factuality! went away for a while. This is NOT because I moved to a new city for a new job; I want to assure you it was not for that reason.
The real reason for the silence was in fact that I had run out of history to report and had to wait for more to accumulate. As you know history slowly builds up as they find more and more...
May 2010
17 posts
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Would it interest you to know...
…that in addition to inventing America Benjamin Franklin also invented disposable contact lenses and adultery?
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“I ASKED FOR A RUBEN, NOT A ROAST BEEF ON RYE! AMATEURS…”
– Richard Nixon, during the 18½ minute gap in the Oval Office recordings
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Did you even want to know...
…that Grover Cleveland ran for his second non-consecutive term as U.S. President with the slogan “See, I told you so”?
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This Day in History
May 17, 2004
Massachusetts becomes the first US state to legalize same-sex marriage. This is seen by many as the first phase of the Armageddon. It is a very slow and subtle Armageddon, but it is happening. Trust me.
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This Day in History
May 13, 1880. Menlo Park, New Jersey
Thomas Edison performs the first test of his electric railroad. The train was conducted by a cabal of energetic locomotive experts call the Electric Six. However the test was unsuccessful and the engine exploded soon after the test commenced, resulting in widespread Electric Mayhem. Edison would later go on to patent electric mayhem too.
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Happy Birthday!
Orange Julius Rosenberg, born May 12, 1918
You know, I am having a tough time coming up with a joke for this one. It’s shocking…
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Holidays and Observances: May 11
Skynet Day
Happy Skynet Day everyone! Due to interference by a robot from the future Skynet Day isn’t technically celebrated in this timeline. But can you imagine the party they are having in those other timelines? Man, it must be off the hook over there!
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Holidays and Observances: May 7
Feast of Saint John of Beverley, Hills that is.
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This Day in History
May 6, 1937, Lakehurst, New Jersey
As it is coming in to dock, the German Zeppelin, Hindenburg, catches fire and burns to the ground in seconds, killing 36 people. Because the Hindenburg was operated by Nazi Germany, historians agree that this is the biggest event of foreshadowing ever witnessed by man.
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Yet More Crap Invented by Thomas Edison
The Electric Cigarette
Ink Jet Printers
The Concept Album
The Electric Autopainter
Chatroulette
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Holidays and Observances: May 5
Senior Citizens Day, Republic of Palau
You thought I was going to do Cinco de Mayo, didn’t you? Well screw Mexican St. Patrick’s Day! I think Palau deserves some recognition, especially the señor…err…senior citizens there! That’s right, Palauan old people deserve love too!
It’s also Buy One Coney Dog Get One Free Day at Rosie’s Coney Island in Oak Park, Michigan. So, even more reason to...
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It is exciting to learn…
…that Thomas Jefferson, in addition to being a statesman and Imperial President, was a master distiller. It was said that he produced the finest barrels of Romulan Ale in the young country out of the cellar of Montecello, that is until the Federation made Romulan Ale illegal.
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Humorist and expert on demonry, John Hodgman,...
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This Day in History
May 4, 1910
The Royal Canadian Navy is formed. Canada had a navy? Once again I ask: did Canada know?
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Why would you even know...
…that Imperial President Thomas Jefferson would start each day by shooting a Federalist? He so hated the political party of his presidential predecessor, John Adams, that he vowed he would leave none alive. Soon there too few Federalists to sate Jefferson’s blood thirst, and aids had to bring in people of other political parties for him to shoot. This finally ended when Jefferson, furious,...
April 2010
72 posts
4 tags
A section of the lost 18½ minutes of the Nixon...
Richard Nixon: Hey, vacuum bag, I am really starting to get worried that they may be on to us regarding this whole Watergate thing.
J. Edgar Hoover: Oh pshaw, honey, they always got dirt on the mean old man at the top. Look what happened to that saucy bitch, Spiro.
Nixon: What a crock, Angnew was always on top of shit like that.
Hoover: mmmhmmm, that’s what he said.
Nixon: Jesus, vacuum bag, could you butch it up for just one second?
Hoover: Honey, I play straight at the FBI. Here at the White House I am Out, Proud, and Live my life out loud! No need to be Bitch in Chief with me!
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This Day in (Star Trek reference) History
April 29, 1770
James Cook discovers and names Botany Bay in Australia. He is reported as screaming “KHAAAAAAAAAN!”
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This Day in (fascist) History
April 28, 1945
Benito Mussolini is executed by firing squad. It is said that his final acts were to smoke a cigarette and have a cup of espresso while reading the news paper in a café and watching the Vespas go by. In his last moments it is rumored he simply said “ciao”.
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Did you know…
…that customers of ancient Roman brothels ordered their desired services from an illustrated menu organized by number? The most popular was…oh hell, you finish the joke, you already know how it’s going to end!
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This Day in History
April 27, 1495
Suleiman The Magnificent, Sultan of the Ottoman Empire, is born. The fact that Suleiman was first born and heir to the throne always irked his younger cousins, Mehmed The Merely OK and Hamid The Passable
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Thomas Jefferson was an inventor too!
In addition to being a president and a statesman Thomas Jefferson also invented quite a few things including:
The Anti-Federalist Rifle
The Club™
Lying About Sex
The Nickel
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This Day in History…as well
April 26, 1986, the Ukraine
The Chernobyl Nuclear Power Plant experiences an meltdown and explodes, spreading a radioactive cloud over tens of thousands of square miles. This event also set a Guinness World Record of World’s Largest Glow In The Dark Nation.
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This Day in History
April 26, 1962
NASA’s Ranger 4 space craft crashes into the Moon. The insurance claim took years to process.
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Now you know…
…that in 1890, just one year after admittance to the Union as a state, North Dakota officially changed it’s State Nickname to “The South Dakota of the North” in response to the larger tourism industry of its Southern counterpart. Three years later the State Motto was officially changed, as well, to “Please visit us, it’s lonely up here.”
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I bet you were dying to learn…
…that Imperial President Theodore Roosevelt kept a grizzly bear locked in the White House’s East Room. Officially, it was used to intimidate foreign diplomats, whom he would suspend from the chandelier when their countries would get “uppity”. Unofficially, he would bring the bear out dressed in an oversized evening jacket to State Dinners where it would feast on slow roasted...
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Repost: Did it ever enter your mind…
…that Theodore Roosevelt was a member of the 1902 Olympic Curling Team? The American team took home a silver medal, having lost out by one point to the team from the space pirates. Roosevelt was so upset by the loss that he strangled 34 Canadian athletes all at once with his bear hands. Yes, he had the hands of a bear.
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This Day in History
April 22, 2001
The Baha Men finally had their question answered: The Who let the dogs out.